To Lose the Cherry Blossoms
by Songstress Rikku
Summary: Arima's dark, buried emotions are provoked by his jealousy of Tonami and his own self-disgust, causing him to lose his sense of logic and rationale.


To Lose the Cherry Blossoms by

To Lose the Cherry Blossoms  
  
by: Kiyone  
  
Disclaimer: Kareshi Kanjyo no Jijyou (His and Her Circumstances) and its characters belong to its real author, not me.  
  
"Even a lover makes a mistake sometimes  
Like any other  
Fall out and lose his mind  
And I'm sorry for the things I did   
For your teardrops over words I said  
Can you forgive me and open your heart once again?"  
-the Backstreet Boys, "It's True"  
  
  
_There's no doubt about it,_ Arima thought, _he's gorgeous_.  
  
He felt a sudden knot in his stomach that, he concluded reluctantly, was envy. It was like an anchor pulling him down; he could neither escape nor break free from it. It simply held him down in his place. There was no use ignoring Tonami's presence and it made him sick and uneasy. He realized that jealousy was a sensation he had felt before, but never to such a painful degree as this.  
  
Arima stood dumbly on the second floor platform of the school. He was a couple of yards away from the basketball court where Tonami was practicing free throws, but to Arima it was more than close enough. For some reason, Tonami stood out to Arima amidst a flurry of other students walking and loitering in the campus courtyard. There were other people around, but his vision focused directly on Tonami; there were sounds from every direction, but he tuned them all out to hear Tonami's basketball beating on the concrete.  
  
_Why am I so jealous of that guy?_ Arima chided himself silently. _Just because he's so attractive?_ From a distance he observed the object of his envy. Tonami now stood still on the court with one bent arm balancing the basketball, ready to shoot. His wife-beater looked as if it was glued to his tanned, well-built upper body. His muscles were obviously tense and glistened with sweat in the sun that, to Arima, seemed to focus its rays on Tonami and Tonami alone.  
  
In a ferociously quick motion Tonami shot the ball and easily landed it in the basket without much apparent effort.  
  
_It was perfect, _ was Arima's initial reaction. But after a moment he decided on something else. _**He's** perfect_.  
  
His thoughts were broken by the faint sound of a familiar voice, obscured by the chatter of other students. He blinked once and when he re-opened his eyes, his gaze locked directly on Miyazawa. She approached Tonami on the basketball court as he was wiping himself off with a white towel. As usual, she had her bubbly demeanor with her, but Arima thought it was **too** cheerful; **too** eager--- and he felt the knot in his stomach tighten.  
  
_Guess I should go over there. After all, I haven't seen her for a couple of hours._ Yet he found that his body was rapidly losing the will to move. Instead, he continued to look on helplessly, his fear rising exponentially. Miyazawa was leaning in on Tonami, whispering and giggling into his ear. The scene was so painful to him but at the same time it wasn't all that surprising; it was as if he had expected it to happen.   
  
_Why am I so jealous of him?_ He echoed his previous thoughts. Because he's so attractive? Talented? Because Miyazawa would choose him--- he realized his answer, and hated it.  
  
Arima tried to shake off his paranoia but failed. No, Miyazawa would never cheat on him--- but, he reasoned, she might unconsciously fall for another guy, especially one like Tonami. And as he watched them converse he felt like he was putting together the pieces of the puzzle; just as he himself was falling apart.  
  
Eventually he could no longer take it. Just watching the two of them made him feel like he was losing his place in the world. He backed away and walked off, trying as hard as he could to push the pain away.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Feeling somewhat self-conscious, Arima quickly hurried off campus. There was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that someone would see him and know--- somehow know what he was feeling and why and how weak the role model student really was. He was so scared of that; he couldn't stand rejection. Not again. With every quick step came another hurtful thought of Miyazawa and Tonami. The more the image of them together ran through his mind, the more worried and frantic he became and soon the pandemonium in his head was far harsher than the scene he had witnessed. For some reason he felt that the situation was getting worse by the minute. He found himself starting to run, but still he felt that he was not escaping anything.  
  
Behind the school lay small hills strewn with cherry blossom trees. After he ran off campus, Arima decided to stop there. He came to an abrupt halt and fell down on his knees, panting heavily. He had been worrying about Miyazawa so much during his run that he hadn't realized how far he had gone, or how exhausted he was. _I hope I'm far enough away from her,_ he caught himself thinking. It sounded strange.  
  
But the second he looked up at the trees an image of Miyazawa formed in his head. Then it hit him that this place was where he had first realized that he liked Miyazawa. Yes, he still remembered that moment--- all too well. He had come here because of an anonymous love letter from a girl at school. And he saw **her **there, leaning against a tree, her eyes beautifully pensive and her soft hair blowing in the wind. The cherry blossoms were falling off the tree; they were dancing about her in the air, floating and circling around as if they were never going to stop.  
  
It wasn't her. Miyazawa didn't write that note, and she had not sent for him. She didn't like him. But Arima had felt his heart melt; he felt himself become enraptured in the presence of this girl. It was a poignant, piercing, sudden kind of notion---  
  
And that was what he felt now. He hated the fact that he remembered that event so vividly, and more than that, he hated how it made him experience the same emotions he had the first time. They say love is a wonderful feeling...  
  
He had agreed to that once, but he decided that things change and that belief had become horribly obsolete for him now. It hurt. And now, it hurt more than it did even when he saw the girl he loved with the boy he would probably continue to envy for the rest of his life.  
  
Miyazawa... the image of her was still floating in his head. he saw her there, leaning against that tree, still haunting him.  
  
He closed his eyes, but he could still feel the sun dying from above his head. It was a helpless sunset; the light was going to wind down and he thought that he wouldn't be far behind.  
  
He heard her voice...  
  
She was calling his name. "Arima."  
  
_Why bother?_  
  
"Arima..."  
  
_It's all over now._  
  
"Arima."  
  
His eyes fluttered open and fell right into Miyazawa's.  
  
"Whoa!" His first reaction was to back away. _How long had she been there?_  
  
She was crouching beside him, a bright, ignorant smile glowing on her face.  
  
Arima wasn't happy to see her, for once. He wasn't relieved. Instead, he was warily suspicious.  
  
"Hi, Arima!" She took his cold hands into her own. "I'm glad to see you."  
  
_Are you?_ He gazed back at her, but stoically; impassively. If there was still any sense of closeness or chemistry between them, he had cut if off.  
  
Apparently, she was starting to get the hint. Or, at least, she looked like she was. "Arima?" She said feebly. Arima could tell that she was searching for emotion in his eyes, but he chose not to show her any.  
  
"Arima, what's wrong?" Her cheerful look quickly became a worried one.  
  
_She was always good at making up false expressions, I guess._  
  
It was so bitter. He knew it. And part of him begged him to stop. But he pushed it in the back of his mind. _No... no more holding back,_ he decided.  
  
He ignored her question. "Was Tonami supposed to be here?"  
  
It was too sudden and completely out of the blue. He thought it would tell her all she needed to know; all that he knew. But it didn't.  
  
She was wearing a look of total, utter confusion. He snarled at it.  
  
"How---" She stuttered, "How did you--- did you know?"  
  
That was exactly the answer he expected. It was definitely enough.  
  
_Glad to see me?_ He gritted his teeth. _You, you're..._  
  
"You're still fake! Still pretending! Still lying!" His thoughts had slipped into words. The release felt so natural; he wanted to ride with it.  
  
If Miyazawa said anything, he could not hear it. He blocked the sound of her voice with his own vehement anger.  
  
He stormed off; past the hills, past the trees, and past the cherry blossoms that were floating away.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
_Now that I think about it,_ Arima thought to himself bitterly, _Miyazawa and Tonami would make a good couple... after all, they can identify with each other. They both know what it's like to have purposely changed themselves. They'd have a lot to talk about, and a lot of experiences and advice to share. They could help each other out, grow with each other... it's perfect._  
  
The words reciprocated in his mind a bit, and a short while later he wanted to take it all back. _Why am I saying that?_  
  
In a vain attempt to clear out his thoughts, he lowered his head and shook it slowly, letting his dark bangs swing about his face. He felt like he simply didn't know anything anymore. Everything was cloudy and vague. There was no light, no road; no way out of this mess he'd gotten himself into. Reality had vanished and in its place was just a gust of confusion.  
  
Hell, he didn't even realize for a while that he was here. He was strolling through the busy streets in town, passing by indistinct windows of shops he didn't care to enter, and blindly letting himself go wherever his feet took him. Like a wandering specter he was shut off from the rest of the real world, lonely and desperately lost.  
  
Since he was paying little attention to his surroundings, he was completely wrapped up in his worries. _ I want answers... I just want to know why---_  
  
And because he was paying little attention, he didn't notice that he had bumped into Tsubaki.  
  
Her annoyed shriek jump-started him to realization. She had been exiting a clothing store when she hit him. Behind her were Miyazawa's other best friends: Aya, Tsubasa, Rika, and Maho, all of whom also were perturbed.  
  
The first thing that came to Arima's mind was the fact that Miyazawa wasn't with them. He silently reminded himself, matter-of-factly, that she was with Tonami.  
  
"Hey, what's wrong with you, asshole?!" Tsubaki belted, rubbing her forehead. Arima didn't think the towering, athletic girl would really be hurt that easily, but she definitely looked it.   
  
"I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly.  
  
Obviously that wasn't good enough for her. As he started to walk away she raised an arm to block his path.  
  
After glancing around at the other angry faces he got the hint that it wasn't the run-in that bothered them.  
  
"We talked to Miyazawa recently," Maho spat in an icy tone. Her eyes narrowed and shot right through him, and her arms were folded in such a stern posture that Arima thought it would hurt like that. But Maho? Nah. She was used to it.  
  
Tsubaki's fiery eyes ignited as her voice raised a couple of notches. "She was so upset. Why did you talk like that to her?"  
  
"No," Rika said softly, trying to restrain her friend. Arima peered at her and saw a pale look of fear.  
  
"Who cares?" He ended up retorting. "I doubt she would anymore."  
  
Aya, who was normally cool and coy, raised her eyebrow in surprise. "Anymore?" she echoed. It was more to herself than to Arima.  
  
Losing his composure, Arima looked away.  
  
"Says who?" Tsubaki continued. "She loves you! Don't you know that?"  
  
"I wonder---" Rika put in, "I wonder--- I mean I haven't really seen you two together much recently."  
  
_Don't you think I wonder about that too?_ Arima thought. _Don't you know I wanted things to stay the same? That I'm killing myself trying to keep it from dying?_  
  
His guard dropped momentarily, and he was aware of it. Evidently, Maho noted the instant change in his expression.   
  
"You don't mean that this is about...?"  
  
The look in his eyes gave it away.  
  
Maho could tell it was jealousy. She knew it anywhere because she too had once been drowned in it. For her, it had been Miyazawa. She had envied Miyazawa's talent, beauty, and popularity in school. It used to make her feel like her own worth had been brutally robbed from her.  
  
It was all too familiar to Arima. But it gave him little comfort knowing that he wasn't the only one with such a conflict. He couldn't even fathom how she had dealt with it.  
  
_She must have been stronger than me. I can't do that... I **know** I can't._  
  
The ice in her words melted to reveal surprising concern. "Don't let that take you over," she warned. "Don't even think like that."  
  
"And what?" Aya asked him. "You don't want to talk to her because you think she'll still be pretending?"  
  
He didn't answer, and so for a while there was an awkward silence. They were all probably thinking the same thing. He felt surrounded by their accusations and interrogations; cornered by them and their facts and their ignorance. What made them think they would know? It wasn't that simple. It never is with Miyazawa.  
  
After a disappointing sigh, Maho gestured to her friends that they should go. "Arima, you're wrong," she said simply, as if it was one last desperate shot. Either she had come to the point of realization that there was nothing left for her to say, or she had simply become frustrated with him. Most likely it was both.  
  
"Think about what we've said," Tsubaki finished. "You owe her **at least** that much."  
  
They turned around and walked off, except for Tsubasa. Even after the others had almost disappeared from Arima's vision, she lingered a bit, her wide childish eyes staring straight at him. She said nothing and didn't move an inch.  
  
Neither did he. It was surprising that the usually talkative and sprightly girl had remained silent during the encounter. Then an idea suddenly came to him.  
  
_Does she... still have feelings for me?_ he pondered. _Maybe, throughout this whole Tonami thing, she's thinking about me in that way again._  
  
Her long, wavy locks were shining gold even in the dimming light. She hesitated, seemingly give him another consideration. Afterwards, she turned and left after the others, her decision made and her loyalty to Miyazawa sealed.  
  
Arima watched her go and played the conversation again in his mind. Think about what they've said. Somehow he was unable to buy any of it. Or, he just didn't want to. It just sounded so... empty. It was as if it had no meaning to him whatsoever. No, of course it did; technically, it made perfect sense, what they told him. So their efforts were wasted on a guy too stubborn to listen.  
  
But the truth was, they didn't even need to tell him anything. There was nothing they knew that he honestly didn't. In the back of his mind was a voice--- a voice of reason--- that was crying and calling out for him. He had overreacted over the whole issue with Miyazawa and Tonami. Somewhere in the depths of his sub-conscious he knew it. And he knew, deep down, that he had completely jumped to conclusions, picked up suspicion without anything remotely close to evidence, and accused the one he loved of doing something she didn't do.  
  
Maybe he just couldn't see any of that. So when Miyazawa's friends talked to him, it didn't sink in; he pushed it away just like he did to the part of his mind that knew he was making a mistake. He might already have known all the answers he was looking for, but he couldn't trust them. It wasn't enough for him. His heart jumped in place of his mind and his emotions clouded everything up. Like fog on a window, he could not see outside. He was locked up inside his own irrational paranoia.  
  
It didn't make sense. Nothing did. Whenever he tried to consider logic, it felt like a lie to him. He didn't want this false sense of comfort and security. It wasn't working. It wasn't **satisfying**. He wanted to know; he wanted to be sure, and he wanted a firm grip on the truth. It did occur to him, if only for a moment, that he was driving himself further away from the truth even as he sought it. But he felt so hurt and dejected that in the midst of it all he simply could not accept what Tsubaki or anyone else told him.  
  
With an exhausted sigh, he decided to put an end to that aching long day. Hands buried in his pocket, he started off home, hopelessly wishing that the pains and wounds today would fade away into nothing tomorrow.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Of course, he was wrong. Honestly, it was fair that way. He had to remember that life's mistakes do not erase by themselves as much as he wanted them to, if ever at all. His morning began with an aching back, whiplash, and a bedside clock that displayed numbers later than usual for him. It wasn't the fact that he slept in that bothered him--- school was off that day--- but he felt that he was trying to sleep away his troubles. He'd put himself on a guilt trip and it was taking its toll.  
  
Enough was enough. He had to take responsibilities for his actions. And yet, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't get himself to.  
  
He couldn't even bring himself to talk to Asaba about it. His best friend had dragged him out of bed to spend a day in town. Arima was completely reluctant and Asaba knew it; he caught on to him quickly, even if he didn't seem like it.  
  
"Have some damn **fun** for once, man," Asaba prodded him in his usual outgoing (and often aggressive) manner. His open and cheery smile was an obvious contrast to Arima's enclosed, reserved sullenness.   
  
Asaba turned to face his friend as they were crossing an intersection. Arima's head hung low as he stared blankly at the dark pavement below him. Seeing this, Asaba playfully leaned his face in to level with Arima's, trying to look into his eyes; he couldn't. He smiled, shook his head and raised his face again with his eyes defiantly sparkling against the sky.  
  
Where Arima kept his thoughts and feelings up inside of himself, Asaba was a confident extrovert who danced in life's rays rather than shy away from it like Arima did. It was a trait that Arima secretly wanted as his own but felt that he could never attain it.  
  
"I told you, Asapin," he answered in a tone more cold than he wanted it to be. "I'm just... not in the mood for it... I'm sorry."  
  
"Mmm hmm," Asaba acknowledged absently, looking straight ahead.  
  
Though he didn't appear to be paying any attention, Arima knew quite well that he was. _He knows... how did he find out? Am I just that obvious?_  
  
With a worried look, he glanced up briefly at his friend, who didn't look back or otherwise give any sign that he even noticed him.  
  
They continued for a while, mostly in silence, except for whenever Asaba pointed out an attractive female passerby. The whole time, Arima was worrying and mulling things over in his mind yet again. He kept expecting Asaba to say something, but he never did--- and Arima himself decided to remain low-key.  
  
As weird as it was, Asaba somehow made it bearable and almost--- not quite, but almost--- comfortable for Arima as time passed. He always did have a knack for that. Even paired with Arima's quiet demeanor, he was able to sail through somewhat normal, if terse, conversations.   
  
But Arima was just as guilty about it was he was grateful. Every time Asaba gave him another bright smile Arima's heart and conscience would sink another couple of inches. He wanted to kick himself for the way he acted. Here he was, causing all this trouble for his girlfriend and friends, while Asaba was trying to comfort him and be there for him. It was sickening, how Arima was acting. Would Asaba do what he did? Or Tonami?  
  
Asaba didn't seem like he really noticed Arima silently tear himself in pieces. As they were walking he merely glanced at his watch.  
  
"I'm hungry," he stated simply. "Where do you want to eat?"  
  
_Why are you being so kind to me? After all I've done?_ Arima stopped in his tracks and looked down at his clenched fists. _Why me?_   
  
Asaba stopped too and turned to his friend. "Arima?"  
  
"You--- you go ahead, Asapin," he choked a reply. "I think I'm gonna leave. I'm sorry."  
  
_I'm sorry, Asapin. I'm sorry for everything._  
  
"Whoa, hey..." Asaba clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder, but Arima moved away.  
  
_I'm not worth your sympathy or your friendship. Or Miyazawa's..._  
  
"Thanks, Asapin, but I just don't---"  
  
_I just don't---_  
  
"Arima, if it's about Miyazawa, don't sweat it 'cause I** know** she cares about you."  
  
_---Deserve it._  
  
"She shouldn't," he spat crossly. "I'm horrible. My family, my father said..." He paused. "Asapin, I have to go."  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
It was too late for everything. He was running towards the hills again, his adrenaline fueled by his fear and desperation. He wanted to see the place one last time before he would try to forget it for his own sake. But he was scared; he was so deathly afraid of himself and of time and of losing the cherry blossoms.  
  
The wind blew against his hair but it could not sweep his faults and mistakes away. No, what was done was done; he had already messed up everything. Things did not go wrong because fate played it out that way. They went wrong because **he** had done it. He had dug deeper and deeper into a dark abyss that he had willingly leaped into.   
  
As he neared the hills a couple of cherry blossom petals floated past him. They were oddly intriguing, almost ethereal. It made him think of Miyazawa, and despite everything it brought a tiny smile to his face.   
  
Miyazawa. **Yukino.**  
  
All he had to do was answer a simple question. Did he trust her? It didn't feel like trust was an issue anymore. There were other questions to ask; other problems.   
  
_I'm not worthy of her. I'll never be._  
  
_I hate myself..._  
_  
My family hates me.  
  
What about you, Miyazawa?_  
  
He grabbed one of the petals from the air and clutched it. It felt so soft, like her hair. He loved her. He knew it. But he hated himself too much to let her love **him**.  
  
Why did he push her away? Why push **everyone ** away? Asapin too? What was it with him? Why do such a thing?  
  
_I can't let them know... know about **me.**  
_  
There was that dark side of him that he thought couldn't possibly exist in a teenager. A normal one, anyway. He was the black sheep of the family and now he was also the freak show to his peers. They didn't know that, though. They thought he was the perfect, super-human straight-A student; he was nothing like that. In truth, he was at the bottom of the pedestal they put him on. He didn't want people to know about the abuse and the disowning, so he shut himself away from them, locked every door and hid behind the blinds. But recently--- because of Miyazawa--- he had come so close to showing them. Too close.   
  
_You said we'd go through this together; that we'd open ourselves up and become our real selves. That we could do it together._  
  
He had been wrong when he accused her of still being fake.  
  
_You did it, Miyazawa. You made it. But me...? I didn't. I can't. I failed you. I'm sorry.  
_  
There was a sound of a footstep behind him; the sound of his heart starting to race followed quickly after.  
  
_Miyazawa---  
_  
Wrong. It was Tonami  
.  
Arima dreaded that moment so much that he figured he wouldn't even bother to look at the other boy; that he would try to be oblivious to what was inevitable--- to ignore what could not be ignored. But Tonami's shadow hung accusingly over him and Arima reluctantly turned to him.  
  
"I heard about what happened, Arima."  
  
_You're asking **me** about what happened? **You** were what happened!_  
  
Arima could not reach for answers through Tonami's eyes or expression, since he only looked down at Tonami's feet anchored on the ground splattered with fallen blossoms. It was getting harder to resist the urge to run away but he kept his stance.   
  
He did, however, back up a few steps.   
  
"I want to know," Tonami said in his deep rich voice. "Why you did it."  
  
Why not tell him? Why not tell **anyone**? He held everything in for so long, what difference would it make if he said it to the worst person to tell?  
  
_Because, Tonami..._  
  
"Because of you!"  
  
He did not look at his hands but he knew they were both clenched into white fists just like his teeth were painfully gritted.  
  
"Because you came! Because she wants you, because... damn you she broke everything! Because---"  
  
It was always "because". It was always about why this or that happened, the reasons or the attempted justifications for the outcome that you didn't want.  
  
"Because they hate me."  
  
He felt something cold and wet drip down the sides of his face and he instantly recognized it as the tears he had always practiced to hide. It was just like his childhood. His damned childhood. It was just like the beating and the pain.  
  
"I'm sorry, Tonami. I'm sorry to everybody. I hate it!"  
  
He was sobbing; he knew what his father would say, "You'll never be a real man if you keep crying like that." Just another name added to the list of people who gave him up.  
  
"I hated it..."  
  
Tonami didn't seem to move.  
  
"I hate it..."  
  
He started to forget that Tonami was even there.  
  
"I hate **me**."  
  
They asked once in class what he thought of the end of world; of when all things crash and burn. He only hoped it was less painful than this.  
  
His knees grew so weak they were giving way. He didn't care this time. He fell to the floor, crying.  
  
_You're such a baby, Arima._  
  
People say that crying makes you feel better. Arima had always thought it was more like opening a wound. It hurt and hurt and even worse, everyone could **see**.   
  
But regardless of what Miyazawa or his father or anyone could see, Arima cried it all out anyway. What was it like to be his son? It meant hatred. It always turned out to be hatred. And it was pain. It kept hurting. Sometimes it hurt as much as the kind when you want to slit your wrist but he never had the guts.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"  
  
He must have looked like the biggest wuss; the biggest crybaby; the biggest failure.   
  
Gradually he lost the energy he had in him to cry. He was down on his knees, drowned in his own tears, fingers dug into the ground.  
  
"Arima... Arima."  
  
Tonami.  
  
"Arima, get up. Arima."  
  
He didn't, but since it was all over anyway, he looked up.  
  
And through his watery eyes he saw Tonami. The other boy had remained in the same spot the whole time. But he was trembling. His face was shivering oddly, his eyes wide and expression pale. He looked decidedly ill.  
  
"Please, Arima."  
  
He had never seen Tonami like that. Never in his life.  
  
No...  
  
He had but...  
  
That was a long time ago.  
  
Now it was Arima's turn to be surprised. Tonami had lost his cool demeanor and slowly, almost fearfully, locked his eyes with Arima.  
  
They weren't really that different.  
  
"You know," Tonami's voice was light and shaking. "You know, when I--- when we were in the same school back then--- do you remember that?"  
  
Arima nodded feebly.  
  
"You were the only one. You were the only one! Arima, why, I mean how can you do this to yourself! When you were the only one who treated me like a human being. Rather than a **dog**. Why, Arima?"  
  
It sounded familiar.  
  
But why? Because of what?  
  
"I was an outcast," Tonami said bitterly. It rang a bell in Arima's memory; his own past. "They teased me. But you didn't! I didn't know why but you were kind. I hated them but you--- sounds so silly but you were my hero."  
  
_Not me... please not me._  
  
Arima opened his mouth, but Tonami cut him short.  
  
"I know what you're going to say. You're gonna say, 'No Tonami I don't deserve that, but you do.' Why? Why cut yourself like that?'"  
  
He responded with, "Why do you?"  
  
Tonami sighed. "I'm trying to change. I'm trying to heal but it takes so long. So many things I think that I know I shouldn't, so many worries that I really should forget. We're freaking messed up, Arima. But I think, you know, I think we can change that."  
  
"Tonami..."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Tonami blinked. "I know."  
  
Slowly the strength seemed to seep back into his body. If there was something that could make the wind move or the cherry blossoms bloom, it was the air of comfort that Tonami breathed. But Arima didn't feel the pang of hurt anymore, even as he realized it. It was admiration. Comradeship.  
  
He found the will to stand up.  
  
"I didn't know why you were so kind back then," Tonami said. "But I think I know why now."  
  
"...Thank you."  
  
Tonami watched as Arima eyed a blossom in his hand. "I have a question, Arima."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I wanna hear you say it... say who you love."  
  
Arima didn't hesitate. "Miyazawa."  
  
"And me?" Tonami bit his lip. "Tsubaki."  
  
"Tsubaki?" Arima nearly jumped at the name.  
  
"Uhh... yeah." Tonami started to blush a little bit. It brought back the color and warmth into his face. It was starting to feel better. "Nobody really knows yet except you and Miyazawa. She's Tsubaki's friend so... I made her keep it a secret but... she has this 'plan' of hooking us up. Last time, she showed me where this place is, and I'm here now because supposedly I'm going to see Tsubaki here." He started fidgeting. "And guess what? She's **late**."  
  
So that was why Miyazawa was waiting for him here the other day. She was going to show him the spot to talk to Tsubaki.  
  
He was still deeply sorry, and knew there was so much mending and apologizing he needed to do. To Miyazawa, her friends, and to Asapin. But for now, he just appreciated Tonami's attempt at humor.  
  
"Hey, Tonami?"  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Do you think she'll forgive me? The things I said..."   
  
Tonami wasn't always about smiling, but he did then.   
  
"Heh... yeah, Arima. She will. Don't doubt that at all."  
  
Arima smiled back.   
  
He decided to have a little faith... he would later find out that it wouldn't turn its back on him.  
  
  
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A/N: This story is supposed to take place around the end of the anime series (at least, so far), where the Tonami/Miyazawa issue isn't really resolved in Arima's perspective. The comic, on the other hand, goes a lot further chronologically so it probably already resolved it (I haven't read it :( ). If that is the case, then I guess this fic would be a sort of alternate resolution or something. =P Thanks very much for reading. And also, props to the other writers who contributed to the KareKano fan-fiction community! Love readin' your stuff. :)  



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